Employees Constantly Arguing and a Third One Stirring It? What a Small Business Owner Can Do

You don't need to witness the arguing to act. This week, speak separately to each person using the same questions, focus on what they have seen and heard, then set one clear behaviour standard for the whole crew, including the person stirring. Follow through consistently, and bring in a neutral mediator if the working relationship itself needs repair.

The question behind this post came from the owner of a precision engineering workshop. Two of their staff can't stand each other, a third keeps adding fuel, and the owner never sees any of it. They asked an online forum what to do. It is a familiar problem for owners and general managers who run a busy business without an HR team.

Conflict is not a bad word. It is usually a sign that something needs attention, and it becomes workable with the right process. Below, we set out what to do this week, how to gather accounts without taking sides, how to reset expectations for the whole team, and when mediation is the right next step and when it isn't.

Key Takeaways

• This is a team problem, not a two-person feud. The person adding fuel is part of the picture and belongs in the same process.
• You can act on accounts from several people without ever seeing the behaviour yourself.
• Ask everyone the same questions, keep to observable behaviour, take brief notes and promise no outcomes.
• Set a team-wide standard on commentary, gossip and carrying tales first, then have a private, specific conversation with the person adding fuel.
• Follow-through matters more than the first conversation. Check in, respond consistently and keep simple records.
• Mediation suits a damaged working relationship where both people will attend. A complaint of bullying or harassment points to an investigation instead.

Summary Table

What can a small business owner do this week if they never see the arguing?

This week, you can do four things without ever catching the behaviour yourself. Talk to each person separately, ask everyone the same questions, set one team-wide standard on how people speak about each other, and put a follow-up date in the diary. None of it needs proof, a policy rewrite or an HR department.

If you wait until you see it with your own eyes, you may wait a long time. Tension tends to show up in tone, comments and silences, and it often stops when the boss walks onto the floor. A pattern reported by several people is information. You can act on it.

Here is a simple shape for the week:

• Early in the week: decide who you will speak to. That means the two people in conflict, the person you suspect is adding fuel, and anyone who works closely with them.
• Midweek: hold short, separate conversations with the same questions for each person.
• Later in the week: give the whole crew a short, calm message about the standard you expect. Then speak privately to the person adding fuel.
• Before you finish up: book a check-in for roughly two weeks out, and tell people it is coming.

That is enough to move from hoping it settles to actively managing it. Calm, clear and early is usually better than perfect and too late.

Why does workplace conflict keep happening when you're not there, and why does waiting make it worse?

People adjust their behaviour around whoever holds authority, so conflict often lives in the places the boss isn't. On a workshop floor, in a ute or in the lunchroom, tension shows up in tone, comments and silence. Waiting makes it worse because people start reacting to the delay as well as the original issue.

Consider a 40-person manufacturer where two machinists stop speaking directly. They still do their jobs, but handovers shrink to the bare minimum. A third colleague, who hears both sides, starts passing remarks between them. Nobody has done anything that clearly breaks a rule, so the owner hears only vague comments and decides it will blow over.

What happens next is predictable. Others notice the owner hasn't responded and read it one of two ways: the owner doesn't know, or the owner doesn't care. Quiet team members start to avoid the pair. Someone asks about a roster change. The original disagreement may have been small, but now people are reacting to the silence and the sense that nothing is being done.

In a precision environment, that matters beyond morale. Handovers, shared equipment and clear communication on specifications all depend on people talking to each other. When two people stop, work-arounds creep in.

A third person adding fuel is common because conflict draws an audience. Commentary can feel like involvement, or loyalty to a friend, or a way to feel in the know. That is human, not villainous. It still needs to stop, and it is much easier to address early.

How do you gather accounts without taking sides?

Gather accounts by speaking to each person separately, asking the same short questions and keeping to what they saw, heard and did. Take brief notes, promise no outcome and signal no view. The aim is a clear picture of the pattern, not a verdict on who is right.

Here is the contrarian part. You can't be neutral about your own people, and they know it. You hired them, you pay them, you rate them and you will decide what happens next. Pretending otherwise costs you trust. Instead, be honest about your role: you are listening to understand what is going on, not to decide who wins.

Keep the questions the same for everyone

Using identical questions with all three people, including the person you suspect is stirring, keeps the process even. Try:

• What is happening between you and the others at the moment?
• Can you give me a recent example of what you saw or heard?
• How is it affecting the work or the way the team operates?
• What would need to be different for you to work well together?
• Is there anything else I should know?

Start in the middle. Don't try to rebuild who said what months ago. Ask what is happening now and what needs to change.

Stay with observable behaviour

Opinions are hard to act on. Observable behaviour is not. If someone says "he's a nasty piece of work", ask what they saw or heard. "He rolled his eyes and said something under his breath when she gave the handover" is something you can work with.

Set the ground rules at the start

Tell each person why you are speaking to them, that you are speaking to others, and that you are not promising any particular outcome. Don't promise total secrecy either. You can say you will keep it to those who need to know. Take short notes with dates, in plain language.

Avoid the shortcuts. Don't gather everyone in a room and ask who started it. Don't ask one person to report on another. And don't agree with a grievance just to calm the conversation, because that will be repeated to everyone else by the end of the day.

How do you reset expectations for the whole crew, including the person stirring?

Set the standard for the whole crew first, then speak privately to the person adding fuel. A team-wide message on commentary, gossip and carrying tales removes the sense of being singled out. The private conversation then names specific behaviours, what needs to stop and when you will check in.

The team-wide standard

Keep it short, calm and the same for everyone. For example: "If you have a concern about someone's work or behaviour, raise it with them directly or with me. Commenting on colleagues behind their backs, or passing comments between people, isn't how we work here. This applies to everyone, including me."

This is how you manage workplace gossip without a witch hunt. You are naming a standard, not accusing anyone. People who weren't involved get clarity about what to do when they hear something. People who were involved get a quiet signal that you are paying attention.

The private conversation with the person adding fuel

This is where many owners hesitate, because they have no direct evidence. You do not need to prove every instance. You need specifics from several accounts, handled fairly. A calm, clear and fair conversation covers:

1. The behaviour you have heard about, described plainly and without exaggeration.
2. The effect on the team and the work.
3. What you expect instead, in concrete terms, such as raising concerns directly and not relaying comments between colleagues.
4. Their view. Ask for it and listen. They may know something you don't.
5. What happens next, including when you will check in.

Don't diagnose motives. Skip lines like "you love the drama". Stick to what is happening and what needs to stop. If the person feels shamed, they will defend themselves, and the stirring may simply go underground.

How do you follow through so it sticks?

Following through means short check-ins on a set date, responding the same way to similar behaviour every time, and keeping simple dated records. Resets can fade when the owner gets busy and nothing follows the conversation. Consistency is what turns one conversation into a standard the team believes.

Check in. Ten minutes with each person, on the date you promised, is enough. Ask what has changed, what has stayed the same and what support would help. Check with the quieter team members too, because they often notice first.

Respond consistently. If the same behaviour appears again, respond the same way regardless of who is involved. Playing favourites, or even appearing to, is how a team loses faith in the process.

Keep simple records. A dated note of who you spoke to, what was said and what was agreed is plenty. Keep to facts, not opinions or adjectives. Store the notes securely and share them only with those who need them.

Watch for displacement. Sometimes the stirring stops but the friction moves to a new target, or one person starts avoiding the workplace through leave or a request to swap shifts. Treat those as signals, not coincidences.

Conflict Services is not a law firm and gives no legal advice. If you are heading towards warnings, changes to employment terms or anything involving dismissal, those are questions for a lawyer. The Fair Work Ombudsman also publishes plain-language guidance for employers on its website.

When is workplace mediation the right next step, and when isn't it?

Workplace mediation suits a damaged working relationship where both people will attend and want to find a way to work together. It is voluntary and confidential. If the concern includes bullying or harassment, an independent investigation is usually the right process, because mediation asks what happens next, while an investigation asks what happened.

Not every matter needs the same process. We use a simple frame, "choose the right process", to sort what you are dealing with:

• A management decision: a clear call on roles, rosters, expectations or performance that only you can make.
• HR guidance: help planning conversations, reviewing a process or deciding your next move.
• Conflict coaching: support for a leader who needs to handle a difficult situation better.
• Mediation: repairing a working relationship where people will talk, with a neutral running the conversation.
• Independent investigation: establishing facts and making findings where a complaint requires it.

Mediation is voluntary, confidential and forward-looking, and the people own the outcome. An investigation establishes facts, makes findings and can lead to action. They answer different questions, so choosing between them early saves time and stress.

Mediation fits when two or three people have stopped working well together, nobody is alleging misconduct, and everyone is prepared to attend. If one person refuses, mediation can't proceed, and a management decision or coaching may be the better path. If what you are hearing includes a complaint of bullying or harassment, don't try to mediate it. Safe Work Australia and the Fair Work Ombudsman both publish guidance on responding to bullying complaints.

What a session looks like: what happens, in order

1. Triage call. A 45-minute call to work out what kind of matter this is and which process fits.
2. Invitations. Each person is invited to take part. Taking part is voluntary.
3. Separate preparation. The mediator speaks privately with each person before any joint session, so nobody walks in cold.
4. The session. A facilitated conversation, with separate private rooms available. The mediator does not decide who is right. The people involved agree what happens next.
5. Outcome note. A short written note records what was agreed.

Sessions run by video anywhere in Australia, or in person on request. A half-day mediation is a 3.5-hour session for two participants at $2,900 ex GST, and an extra participant is about $700 as a guide. If the person adding fuel is part of the working relationship problem, they may belong in the room. Sometimes the better first step is the private conversation described above.

One boundary matters. A mediator won't mediate a matter they have advised on, and after an investigation a different panel member mediates. That is what keeps the neutral neutral.

If you are an employee or manager who has been invited to mediation, you are not on trial. Nobody will tell you that you are wrong. You will have a private preparation conversation first and the chance to say what matters to you.

You can read more on how workplace mediation works.

How can you get outside help without a retainer?

You can get neutral help by the call or by the hour, with no retainer or lock-in contract. A 45-minute triage call costs $290 ex GST and ends with a short email of next-step recommendations. HR guidance is $290 ex GST an hour, which suits planning the conversations.

Many owners in this position don't realise neutral help can simply be booked. They assume it means a consultancy contract, or a formal process they aren't ready for. It doesn't.

The triage call is with Shiv Martin, a nationally accredited mediator. You describe what is going on, and the call sorts it into the right process. It carries no obligation, and there is no discount off a later mediation, so it is a clean decision point. You leave with a written next step, whether that is mediation, HR guidance, coaching, or a recommendation to look at an independent investigation, which is scoped first and then quoted.

HR guidance works well when the matter is mainly a management one. You might use an hour to plan the team message, rehearse the private conversation or decide how to keep records. You use as many hours as you need and no more.

If you want to start on your own, the free two-minute Conflict Check and the first 48 hours guide are designed for the early days, when the right first move matters most. We are someone on nobody's side, which is exactly what an owner can't be with their own staff.

Next step: book the $290 triage call to map your next step, or use HR guidance by the hour to plan the conversations. If you'd rather read first, download the free first 48 hours guide.

Why the person stirring is rarely the real problem

The person adding fuel is rarely the root cause. Stirring usually fills a gap where nobody has said what is expected, the original conflict is going unaddressed, and talking about it is the only outlet available. Treat the stirring as information about the team, not just a flaw in one person.

This is our view from working with workplace and business-partner conflict. Owners often want the stirrer to be the villain, because that gives the problem a clean shape. If you remove one person and leave the gap, someone else tends to step into it.

Imagine a 45-person trades and services business. An operations manager and a senior team member have been at odds for months, and two colleagues are the sounding boards for each side. The owner hears about the commentary but not the cause. If the owner deals only with the commentators, the two people at the centre remain stuck, and new commentators appear.

That is why we suggest working in layers. Set the team standard so everyone knows the rules. Speak privately to the person adding fuel about their specific behaviour. And look at whether the working relationship at the centre needs its own process, which is often where mediation earns its place.

The owner's absence on the floor is not a failing. It is the normal condition of running a business. The aim is not to see everything. It is to make it safe and expected for people to raise things with you early, so you hear about the small stuff before it becomes the big stuff.

References

• Fair Work Ombudsman, Workplace advice and resources for employers
• Safe Work Australia, Guidance on workplace bullying
• Fair Work Commission, Information on workplace disputes and bullying